Ars Poetica

“Why would you write poems?” My stepdad asked me,
Holding my journal in his calloused hands
And shaking it in front of my face
Like the words would fall from the pages to the floor.
“Are you fucking traumatized or something?” He screamed,
Masculine insecurity peeking through his
Raised voice and hands.
“Yes!” My future self replies, tearing the notebook from his grip.
“No,” I said, head hanging low as he threw it out of reach.
“Are you depressed?” He continued to taunt.
“Yes,” I cry, slamming my bedroom door that I wasn’t allowed to close.
“No,” my 11-year-old self breathed.
“Then you’re not a goddamn poet.”
“It’s not about that,” I want to say,
“Read my poems—read what I wrote about sunshine
Turning dawn dew into starry droplets caught on the pine needles in our yard.
Read about how the family dog was my very first friend.”
But I don’t say that, because he wasn’t interested in reading
The good I clung to in the world.
He was trembling in fear of
What I could reveal.
He was scared of the power I wielded
With a pencil in a sparkly, pink notebook.
And he was right to be.

Biography: Jay Enghauser is a non-binary, bisexual writer. They’ve been a contributor and editor of PRISM before and are happy to have the chance to submit during their senior year. They are graduating this spring with a Bachelor of Creative Writing. They’ve also been published in the literary journals Maudlin House, Grande Dame Literary, and JakeTheMag. They have been a consultant at the OSU Writing Center, a reader for 45th Parallel, and the secretary of the Creative Writing Society here on campus.

Artist Statement: I’m an interdisciplinary writer and dabble in fiber arts. I’m a poet who pulls words like treasures out of a wet pocket after a day on the beach and lays them on the kitchen table, still coated in sand to piece together the worlds I’ve found. I’m a creative nonfiction writer who sees my life in dictionary excerpts, abandoned grocery lists, and occasionally on the page of an essay. I’m a fiction writer who discovers truth in my fantastical lies when I’m not searching for it. Maybe more when I am avoiding it. Most of all, I am a writer.

Social Media: @jaygenghauser

See more of Jay’s work in the upcoming Prism edition, Storyteller!